It's summer.
The sea is warm, crickets are chirping, and the real estate market is doing what it's been doing for years – testing the limits of human psychology.
In one corner of the ring stands the Buyer. In the other, the Seller. Between them stands the Real Estate Agent (in this particular story... a female agent).
And she's on her third coffee (what Croats call coffee can be many things, so let everyone imagine their favorite summer drink).
Welcome to the real estate market. A place where two people look at the same apartment but see two completely different realities (popularly known as a parallel universe).
THE BUYER'S PROFILE
The Buyer is a creature who has been following ads for the past year and knows every apartment for sale within a 30-kilometer radius. They know 2018 prices. They know what their neighbor sold for. They know the market is inflated... And they know that "all of this will, of course, crash soon." The Buyer is actually like a fisherman sitting by the sea, waiting for a big catch. The only problem is they want to catch a trophy fish at the price of a sardine. They loudly declare, "I'm not in a hurry," while a quiet voice inside screams, "You're lying to yourself, you wanted this done yesterday!" Furthermore, they say, "I just need a small apartment," but what they're actually looking for is a 40-square-meter living room, three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a sea view, a garage, an elevator, and a price from when fuel cost less than a bottle of water on the highway. When they finally say, "I'm ready to pay the deposit immediately," what that really means is: after I've viewed another 27 apartments for comparison and walked around the neighborhood at different times of day to check if the neighbors' canaries sing too loudly. The last line of defense... The Buyer says, "I saw a similar apartment cheaper." When the agent asks for the address, it turns out that apartment had no occupancy permit, was on the ground floor next to a busy road, overlooked a dumpster, or was sold eight months ago.
But details shouldn't spoil a good argument...
THE SELLER'S PROFILE
The Seller is a particularly fascinating phenomenon. They're not just selling a property! No, no... They're selling memories. The children's first steps. The smell of Sunday lunch. The view from the balcony. And that cherry tree their late uncle planted in 1987. All of that, of course, is factored into the price. The Seller views their property like a parent views their child at a school play. It's clear to them that their child is the most beautiful, smartest, and most talented. The market, however, isn't so emotional. The Seller says, "I don't have to sell the apartment." A logical question arises... what are they doing on the market? Just playing around... or what? When they say, "that's a realistic price," it usually means it's the product of months of consultations with their brother-in-law, godfather, neighbor, and a gentleman from the cafe who's been following the market since the German Mark era. Under the phrase "no investment needed," the buyer, upon entering, sees a bathroom that could easily be declared a cultural heritage site. When the seller states, "the neighbor got more," that's sometimes true. Except the neighbor had a newer building, a larger terrace, a garage, an elevator, a better location, and an ultra-renovated apartment.
But other than that – it's the exact same property.
THE REAL ESTATE AGENT'S PROFILE
And now we come to the most endangered species on the market – everyone's favorite agents! With the full legal title of real estate agent, but in the everyday language of forum users and Facebook warriors – loan sharks, scammers... a made-up profession (by management decision of the Agency we do not transmit profanity).
A person whom both sides consider overpaid, while simultaneously expecting them to solve all the problems they've created over the years. The agent is someone who daily tries to arrange a marriage between two people who haven't even met, don't trust each other, and are convinced the other is completely unreasonable. Their (in this story, her) job sometimes resembles leading peace negotiations between two countries that have already mobilized their armies. On one side sits the buyer who thinks the price is too high, on the other the seller who thinks it's too low, and between them, the agent, with a smile on their face and a calculator that's already starting to overheat.
The agent is a psychiatrist, just without the couch. They listen to the buyer explaining why everything is too expensive. They listen to the seller explaining why everything is too cheap... And they try to convince them that they live in the same country.
An agent is a driver. In one month, they cover more kilometers than the average tourist does during their entire vacation.
An agent is a marketing expert. Because from the phrase: "the apartment is a bit older," they must identify the buyer for whom that property will be "authentic with character."
An agent is a construction worker. They know how to assess what a load-bearing wall is, how much new carpentry costs, and why humidity isn't solved with an air freshener.
An agent is an economist. Every day, they explain the difference between the desired price and the market price... with arguments.
An agent is a lawyer without a legal fee. They pay attention to title deeds, occupancy permits, encumbrances, annotations, and everything else that buyers and sellers only start reading when a problem arises.
An agent is a diplomat without diplomatic immunity.
Sometimes even a peace negotiator, because they have to survive a meeting where the buyer wants a 20% lower price, and the seller wants a 10% higher price, and both believe they are completely reasonable.
The list goes on; photographer, legal advisor, negotiator, coordinator, family therapist, marriage counselor. . .
A SHORT GLOSSARY OF INTERPRETATION
When a buyer says, "I'll think about it," the agent translates to the seller, "they're interested."
When the seller says, "This is the final price, I won't go down a single euro," the agent translates to the buyer: "you are free to submit your offer, as a basis for further discussions."
When the buyer says, "I need to consult with my wife," the agent hears: "the wife is the key to success, and the property needs to meet her criteria."
When the seller says, "I have a few other serious buyers," the agent knows: maybe, or maybe those are the ones who last called three months ago and politely ended the conversation with... "we'll be in touch."
When the buyer says, "this is too expensive," the agent translates; this is too expensive for *me*.
WHAT ABOUT THAT 3%?
At the end of the entire process, the question always arises:
"And why does the agent TAKE 3%?" (the word TAKE is a term used by online critics for the legal collection of agency fees)
A fairer question would be, how do they manage to stay sane?
That 3% isn't a fee for unlocking an apartment door... it's a fee for hundreds of phone calls, for miles of driving, for negotiations, for calming panic, for explaining the market, for handling paperwork, for replying to messages at 10:47 PM (to an audience for whom the World Cup isn't the focus of interest), for meetings that were supposed to last half an hour but ended up lasting two and a half hours, for translating between two worlds that speak the same language but often don't understand each other at all. And for the fact that during a single transaction, they chameleon-like change roles according to clients' needs.
CONCLUSION
Buyers want to buy as cheaply as possible. Sellers want to sell for the highest price, and that's not the problem. That's the natural state of the market.
The problem arises when both parties genuinely believe that only their assessment is realistic. That's where the agent steps in. Not to persuade or deceive anyone, but to help two individuals, who look at the same property and see two entirely different realities, reach a common agreement and sign the deal.
It might not be the easiest job in the world, but it's definitely one of the few where, in the same day, you can be a psychologist, driver, economist, marketing expert, construction consultant, lawyer, diplomat, and occasional miracle worker.
And we "only" charge 3%.
Finally...
An interesting fact from the experience of this text's author, perhaps useful for younger participants in the real estate market.
Almost 30 years ago, when my agency was 'born' and I, along with a few colleagues, helped establish a profession that was just finding its footing in the Croatian market, the real estate agent profession enjoyed a reputation comparable to that of a doctor or lawyer. Clients weren't just seeking an intermediary, but a trustworthy individual whose experience, knowledge, and judgment they would rely on when making one of life's most significant decisions.
Three decades later, the market has changed, technology has changed, advertising methods have changed, but human nature has remained almost the same. Buyers still want to acquire the best possible property at the lowest possible price. Sellers still want to sell as quickly and for as much as possible. And agents are still trying to prove that compromise is a civilizational achievement.
That's why, after all these years, with the experience, knowledge, wisdom, patience, and empathy that have sustained me in the market for three full decades, I can allow myself a little sarcasm and a few brutally honest remarks.
Not to offend anyone.
On the contrary.
But because behind every joke in this text lies a situation that truly happened, a person who will recognize themselves in it, and the simple truth that real estate has always been much less about square footage and much more about people.